Katie Thompson

I am stronger than my body is. I have to realize this truth and hopefully this post will be a good way to help affirm that within me.

I remember being a very athletic and agile kid and teen. My body and I worked as a team. I told it what to do and it responded by pushing me farther than I realized I could go. I could be stronger and faster all on my own.

My mind is still living in that younger body sometimes. I try to push through days like a normal person would and now I am surprised by how much my body cannot do. No matter how much I try there are certain things that will never improve.

Frustration. Defeat. That’s what it feels like at first.

Then I try to change my perspective as I always do. How can I work with this new information, what else can be done?

However today I need to sit in this. Not defeat, but more in acceptance of what is. My body is not what it was, nor will it ever be what I need it to be. But it does keep me here alive and I am grateful for it.

There will always be spells where I can’t leave the bed. Where I can’t trust my legs beyond a few seconds and my mind will always be clouded by pain. It feels right to sit with that fog for a moment. I needed a moment to embrace it again to know how to move forward.

Chronic illness and disability are not about self pity. I think we are often perceived as performing victimhood when expressing our truth when really we are just finding our way through this human existence in the way that’s been given to us. I have to relearn who I am physically every day. We don’t give ourselves enough grace for being human.

This is my public gift of grace to myself. Acknowledging that I can’t do it all nor should I try. My best is more than enough. My tools, spirit, body and heart are as they are. 

Now we can keep carrying forward, together.