One of the worst residual side effects of my nervous system misadventures is chronic fatigue. Every day is a constant balancing act between input, output, and avoiding the crash. When it does crash, the massive blow knocks me down so hard that sometimes it’s just plain futile to fight it.
Today is one of those days that I am trapped by ache and frustration. My legs drudge through as if I’m walking through pluff mud. My feet and calves are so tight and heavy, my muscles are exhausted and begging for release. Standing is nearly impossible. Even sitting up takes a Herculean effort at times.
All I can do is lay my head down, close my eyes and beg for a merciful ticket out of this drudgery and into other realms. But even then, the ache keeps me from reaching that doorway and I’m snapped back into the concrete shell currently encompassing my reality.
Emotionally these days can be just as grey as the February sky outside my window. Knowing we have a fleeting amount of time left to experience this existence so intimately both hurts and helps. I grasp at the time passing by but I’ve been through enough to know that what is meant to be will be, even if it’s in a way I don’t expect, which is usually how those kinds of things arrive. While going through it is excruciating, on todays like today I am grateful for that time and experience to know that.
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